JOHNNY MUSTARD

To be honest, I had a hard time getting started with your book. I tried several times to read it since you sent it, but I couldn’t get past your pesky idiosyncratic grammar and punctuation; at least, I assume that’s on purpose. I finally realized it had to be intentional, so I let it all go and just read. I have to say. Fantastic! I loved it. It’s very you. It’s erudite and offensive and quirky.

For me, it was like Catcher in the Rye, but I hated that book. Yours was much better. However, you really needed me to edit the thing though. So, if you are thinking of a second edition, you have a few typos and things that need to get corrected. Nothing major, as it is all that stream of consciousness, verbal vomiting style of run-on sentences that you are so good at, and I wouldn’t want to fuck with that. Your description of your own writing in the book was spot on.

It was one of those books that stays with me after I read it. I felt smarter for experiencing it. That’s high praise coming from a guy that loves Jack Reacher and Joe Pickett novels.

My first thought when reading Johnny Mustard Yuk, Retired was:

"Women insult each other with compliments; men compliment each other with insults."

Exactly!

And underneath all the flashy bravado you can feel the love.

This is a timeless classic to use a cliche.

Whenever I would have to describe, Timothy Cataldo, my roommate at West Point I usually said that he was a writer. But after reading this book I'm going to start calling him a philosopher.

Forget all the sophomoric antics and Animal House-like hilarity, the book has a lot of profound, thought-provoking ideas that are sure to cause you to pause and reflect in wonder and amazement. His prose is beautiful and brilliant.

For anyone in the military, no matter what branch, this is a worthwhile and provocative read.

T.,

You have undeniable writing talents that one cannot argue.

- Theres an overall Catcher in the Rye vibe. As though Holden Caulfield invited Marcel Proust to shoot the shit – if you will. A lot of disjointed commenting on the passing parade coupled all the while with reminiscing and adding the slightest touch of sadness and ennui… without the benefit of macarons… tant pis.

- An editor would have been nice.

- The book seems to have been written in a combination of adolescent boy talk, insider Yuk speak and stock post WWII movie dialogue in a kind of dis dat dame kind of way. Like huh? As someone who doesn’t comprehend the first two of these and only has a waltzing appreciation for the latter I’ll say it was confusing at best. And rather than being illustrative it was just made it muddy.

- I also found it to be a sort of off-hand homage in a Terry Southern sort of way in its quasi porn element … is this the 'sex sells' part of it or just the overlay of adolescent boy schtick?

For me, this felt like this was a cathartic exercise in trying to expunge a set of troubling memories... memories that then went on to help shape you as a person. As a man.

I believe that theres a wink-wink-nudge-nudge factor throughout that lost me and exhausted me because it’s not compelling, nor educational nor amusing… and in the end, not worthy of my brain span.

T., you are a CRAZY WONDERFUL writer.

Here’s the what though. Maybe I’m too dense to have ‘gotten’ it. Maybe I missed the point… or perhaps I should say ‘points’... maybe I’m not the girl to comment on something so essentially masculine and private… who the fuck knows.

I remain,

Your harsh critic and your most ardent admirer...

A

Johnny,

When my wife said to me, "Something from Old's Cool" I said to myself, "If he did not autograph his book it ain't real." I opened the armor-mailer envelope and then the string-wrapped inner package and saw the unmistakable frontispiece.

I turned the page and there was your genuine Johnny Mustard scribbled autograph. It is Real! Congrats on your novel.

God bless you and your Guardian Angel with my humble thanks.

RM