According to market research (and our gut), a lifetime of quality is always a beautiful bargain, and so hard to find in today’s planned-obsolescence world. So we try to design and create at the highest level of quality and craft, to last a lifetime–and this dedication to forever excellence doesn't come cheap, we're happy to say.

*Free Shipping

Seriously, as our way of saying thank you very much for all your incredible support over the years, we now offer FREE SHIPPING on all our cool, genius loot for all orders $99+, in the continental U.S. only.

Guaranteed. Period.

If at any time you're not pleased with your purchase, simply return it for a full refund. 

Size matters

All of our UP-i-tees and polos are standard unisex sizes, and fit accordingly. If you normally wear a size medium, order a medium. Rugby shirts run a bit big: you might want to consider ordering a size down. The Official Old's Cool "JUST DO WIT." Education is recommended for IQs >120. JK.

Delivering the goods

Never question the Integrity of the Execution: We do our best to have all of our clobber in stock, and to ship out your order within 24 hours. If we don't, or can't, we'll notify you by email with a completely believable excuse. Seriously, all orders ship either First Class, Media or U.S. Priority mail. We also occasionally use UPS Ground.

Do you ship internationally?

Yes, we ship our genius loot overseas, for an additional cost of course, but please be aware that packages sometimes take longer to arrive than you (or we) would like. Patience is a virtue. 

Overseas orders ship U.S. International First Class mail, or, UPS Overseas, or DHL. 

Also N.B. – the UK usually requires VAT.

What is your return policy?

If you're not thrilled with any of our products, at any time, send it back to us, and we'll refund 100% of your purchase price (not including original shipping cost) and we'll also pay for the return shipping–processed within 2 business days after we receive the return.

Just send it back to us, with approval code to:


38 Charles Street, Newport, RI 02840

If you need additional assistance, or have any questions about your order or return, you can reach us at: or call/text us anytime on (401) 572-7090.

*You must call or email us for an approval code BEFORE you return your item, or the return shipping cost will not be refunded. 

The Fine Print

We take your trust seriously, and do everything we can to be deserving of it.


We will not sell, rent or abuse any of the personal information you provide us with, either as a subscriber or a customer, and assures you of the security of your credit card information.

When you sign up for our newsletter, we promise not to spam you to death with irrelevant crap—we're only into smarty-pants writing worth reading, discounts, and specials.

Legal mumbo jumbo

All content on this site, including the typos and cheek, graphics, logos, images, audio clips, video, data, music, software, and other material is owned or licensed property of Old's Cool Company or its suppliers or licensors (unless otherwise stated), and is protected by copyright, trademark, patent, or other proprietary rights. The collection, arrangement, and assembly of all content on the site is the exclusive property of Johnny Mustard, Inc. and is protected by U.S. and international copyright laws.

Johnny Mustard and its suppliers and licensors expressly reserve all intellectual property rights for all content.

Well bred. Well read. Well said.

We try to maintain an open-minded and stimulating office environment, while always keeping our word. And a sense of humor. A handshake deal is good enough for us, and always has been. We abide by the law, sometimes barely, even if we find it ridiculous. We dress well as a matter of principle. Any pipsqueak can roar like a lion on paper–delicacy and finesse require effort and character, man.

Doing well by doing good.

 We try to be an admirable (corporate) citizen, but have to admit that sometimes aesthetics > ethics. Kidding! As we've said many times, we're all about connecting and community–in fact, what wisdom can you find that's greater than generosity and kindness?

For any questions or comments regarding our Privacy Policy, Return Policy, Delivery, or Terms and Conditions (or if you just want to say hello), don't hesitate to call/text us up on (401) 572-7090, email us at or just stop by our worldwide HQ anytime—38 Charles Street, Newport, RI 02840.